Tuesday, September 18, 2007

An open note to terrorists and other not nice people

Dear Terrorist and Other Not Nice People Guys -

I'm sorry if you're pissed off about stuff or you just want to hurry things along and get to those virgins waiting in the sweet-ass garden for you, but some of us are kind of into hanging around on this world. So, could you kindly not blow stuff up anymore? Frankly, it's not very cool and it really cuts into the Britney/Kevin, Brad/Angelina, Tom/Katie news coverage.

I would also sort of like it if you could maybe refrain from using any nuclear or radioactive stuff. You see, I just got an amendment to my insurance that says:

'There is no coverage for loss to any vehicle that results from:
a) nuclear reaction
b) radiation or radioactive contamination from any source
c) the accidental or intentional detonation of, or release of radiation from, any nuclear or radioactive device.*

I'm also apparently not covered for mold or mildew injuries either. And - if that's the case - I suppose nuclear mold or mildew would be doubly out of the question.

As you can see, I'm a bit concerned about the new car. I don't mean to be a dick, but I worked hard for the money to buy it. Also, I think if you look closely, there might be something in the Koran about not being total asswipes and blowing shit up - especially not with nuclear mold.

Anyway, thanks and have a great day.


Some Random American Dude Guy

*There's no mention of 'nucular' stuff though...so, I might still be covered for that. I sure hope I am.


The Zombieslayer said...

Lol! Thanks, Shawn. 'Twas funny.

The thing is though, you can buy separate mold insurance but the premiums are ridiculous. Not sure if you can pick up insurance that covers nuclear reactions. If so, you might want to consider not living by a nuclear plant too, as even by accident, you wouldn't be covered.

By the way, I hope you watched that Packer game. I've been defending Favre against all these folks who say he's old and washed up. After the Giants game, they all shut up. Man, Favre was amazing.

Shawn said...

I figure that I'm probably okay on the nuclear front here in Wisconsin...but you can bet I'll be keeping an eye out for vandalous mold creeping around, intent on messing with my car.

The thing about Favre that's both cool and annoying is that he only has one gear...he's so competitive that he often forces plays that turn out disastrous. This year he might not have to do that though because the Packers have some running, they've got receivers catching the ball and our tight end isn't playing like a girl. Last year it was all third and long plays set up by bad running where he was throwing to 400th string receivers or Bubba Franks was not even coming close to catching and holding onto the ball.

thephoenixnyc said...