Thursday, October 06, 2005

Gentlemen...start your engines...

In the last couple of days, I have discovered one pretend thing I would be excellent at and one pretend thing for which I have no aptitude. And no, I wasn't smoking dope...

I would be an excellent announcer of pretend Formula One, or Indy Car, races. I tried it and I rocked. That doesn't even capture how great at it I was - I was truly awesome. Mostly, I believe my forte in the field of pretend car race announcing would be calling classic pretend races, especially those in which Emerson Fitapaldi plays a prominent role. What can I say? We all have our gifts.

That said, I would suck at narrating pretend science fiction movies. I have no talent for it. Zero. Maybe even less than zero. This unfortunately also applies to the fantasy genre. If I didn't have my pretend race announcing skills to fall back on, I would probably cry.

These are the things you can learn about yourself in the middle of the night.

18 comments:

thephoenixnyc said...

I am going to pretend I know what pretend car race announcing sounds like.

"Okay, lap 22, done, lap 23 done, great pit stop, uh oh, a bump, yellow flag..."

Shelly said...

You really have way too much time on your hands! but your blog makes me laugh so keep it up!!!:)

The Zombieslayer said...

Hmm...

If I called you weird, I'd be the pot calling the kettle black, or however you say that.

Tomorrow's post is about the dummies we make for Halloween.

By the way, you see our Packers Monday night? They really looked good in that 4th quarter. Now if they could only play entire games like that, we'll be 12-4.

Eileen said...

I am going to pretend I didn't read this.

Miranda said...

*hop* How are you at pretend Champ Car announcing?

Shawn said...

Phoenix - You sort of have the idea. My first attempt went something like this...

"And they're coming out of the far turn, it's Emerson Fitapaldi out front and... Oh my! It looks like Fitapaldi is having some sort of problem...it's possible he's run out of gas. That's a shame, he's led this race from the start and has driven beautifully...this is going to hurt...

Oh, to lead it nearly start to finish and to come up short like this...

They made the decision to try for the finish instead of coming in on lap 180 and it's cost them dearly..."


It's done in a slight Irish broque, of course.

I should explain that this all came out of a question of whether we had enough supplies to finish a job we were doing and I mentioned it would sort of suck to run out right before the finish...I'm not totally nuts.

shelly - Way, way too much time...

zs - I'm dying to hear about those dummies. It would be sweet if they shot lasers...

Oh, and it's Thursday right? Okay, it's safe to mention the Packers again... I'm not holding out too much hope.

eileen - See...you need to do more pretend stuff. Being the man is really dragging you down...

Besides, I know that you're secretly jealous because I can do all the boy sound effects like guns and cars.

miranda - I don't think so...it would have to be Formula One or Indy I think. I also don't think I could do NASCAR. If I try though, will you bring me a virtual pie? I like apple...

Eileen said...

Actually, do you remember that time we were with the Dragos and we started announcing the Wisconsin basketball game? We were pretty good at that so I think I might have a hidden announcing talent as well.

At least before the tequila shots.

Shawn said...

Eileen - Yeah, unfortunately most talents tend to fade after the tequila shots start flowing.

I was just thinking about Drago the other day. I was trying to explain the 'don't talk to the new guy competition' we had going on and how Drago got pissed when Charles set him up to lose...

Brookelina said...

I'd be much more excited if you were a pretend football announcer. Then you could give me pretend tickets to games.

Miranda said...

I WILL bring you a virtual pie.
And it will have my mom's famous crust on it. Formula One is too...snobbyish. NASCAR is too hickish. Indy is okay, except for the whole, "Dan Wheldon one his fourth face, but who cares. Danica Patrick is in SIXTEENTH PLACE!" element. Poor Wheldon.

Miranda said...

We want sound files!
At least, I do!

Jason said...

Lately I've been a pretend blogger!

The Girl in the Black Tee Shirt said...

Thank you for the comment in my blog. Hope you have a great weekend, too!

Joe said...

When I'm out grocery shopping, I like to pretend I'm Dale Earnhardt and crash my cart into the shelves.

It never gets old . . . for me.

nabbalicious said...

My husband and I used to play Formula One on Playstation all the time, and as a result, we got really good at imitating that guy who sounds like Robin Leach.

Whenever we watch racing or we're in the car, I can't resist the urge to say things in that voice like, "Oh, he's missing a tire! Just a little argy-bargy there! But that shouldn't slow him down any!"

So, I think I'd be pretty good, too.

Shawn said...

Nabbalicious - Perhaps we could wow them as a one-two punch. Who could resist our pretend commenting?

Je - So, you're that guy? I was wondering who that was. I always seem to get there right after you and all I see are the tumbled Frosted Flakes and wiped out Pop Tarts...

brooke - I think I can still hook you up with some pretty sweet pretend tickets. I'm pretty tight with all the pretend football announcers...or at least all the ones that are any good.

M - Still waiting for that delicious pie...

jason - What's up with that? Do you have actual fun things to do in your life?

Miranda said...

*Slides you a cherry pie, with thick, soft crust and a scoop of ice-cream on the side*

*grin* *waits for sound files*

Jason said...

Not always FUN things, but definitely things. Go figure!