Sunday, October 02, 2005

Thongtastic thoughts.

As I sit in my cloistered cell, contemplating the mysteries of life and the universe, I find myself trying to address the one question that perhaps lies at the center of humanity. Why do thongs have a triangle of fabric at the top of the butt side?

Maybe this isn't something that normal people question, but I've been asking it ever since I realized that I had an uncanny - no, make that, superhuman - ability to detect thong wearage. Early on, I was so overwhelmed with sensation that I had to stop going to the mall for a while. Okay, maybe that was because I didn't have any money...whatever.

The point is that the point of wearing a thong is to avoid panty detection with snug pants, but the point at the top of the butt works as a pointer to point out that the wearer is sporting thongage, thus completely missing the point.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the thong in all it's whispy glory and often have thanked Great White Buffalo Calf Woman for bringing mankind the gift of hot thong wearers. I'm just wondering is all.

It seems that Victoria's Secret has truly perfected the art of the thong. They have achieved perfect placement - much to the chagrin of their thongpetitors - of the hint of fabric at the top of the crack. But why? It doesn't cover anything. What is it's function? I mean except for looking kind of hot when it peaks over the top of those low-rise pants...

And come to think of it, why is there such a wide swatch up front? Maybe these things are reversible. So, if a girl felt a sudden flush of modesty, she could zip into the bathroom, make the switch, and be back in the mix in minutes. "Thong? What thong? I'm not wearing a thong..."

I could ponder for hours - and already have, believe me - but alas, I think I hear the call to Vespers.

17 comments:

tshsmom said...

I'd rather wear NO underwear than have one of those rubber bands up my butt!! Either one, on me, would be a horrible sight by the way.

The Zombieslayer said...

Wife swears by them. Says they're way more comfortable. I remember hearing other women say that they're uncomfortable. Maybe it's the shape of a woman's butt that decides the comfort level of a thong. I think a study is in order. Looks like another job for the Zombieslayer Institute of Technology.

Shawn said...

Sounds like I should be enrolled at Z.I.T.

Or, I could just continue to do the research on my own. And I'm always willing to share my notes with fellow scholars.

Miranda said...

Maybe it's comparable to footbinding. Otherwise, I have
no answer!

Shelly said...

i don't know about the triangle...wondered that myself actually. but I do agree that they are way more comfortable. only if you get the g-string kind. The others have way too much fabric and feel like the equivalent of sand paper in your ass. oh well.....i just know that they stay in place better than regular panties so i'm going to continue to wear them. Plus my boyfriend likes them!! ;)

Shawn said...

Shelly - I was going to ask if they felt like fine grade or course grade...but then I figured sandpaper is sandpaper and one certainly wouldn't want any kind near their ass.

Boyfriends usually do like the thong.

kris said...

They are way more comfortable than traditional panties, but the triangle patches and v-shaped elastic are of no real help to the ladies.

The ones that make you deal with the least fabric - but make your mother call you a whore on occasion - are really the way to go.

Slade said...

I think that thongs are ridiculous! What is the point of even wearing anything at all? This is really gross: thong panty liners....now that is just wrong

thephoenixnyc said...

I once saw a cartoon that depicted two okld ladies walking onthe beach with flip flips in their ass cracks.

"I don't get what the big deal is about thongs" one old lady says to the other.

Melissa said...

Okay...Here is my theory. I think the ones with the triangle are more comfortable. I think the triangle keeps the floss part from shifting too much. The ones sans triangle can develop a chafing/sawing action on your anus and that's not fun. I am really active though - and have a rather well developed buttocks...so if you are skinny and sit still all day maybe any type works.

Laura said...

It's an arrow, it draws your eye to the target...

I hate them. Several times a day I go to great lengths to get my underwear OUT of my asscrack. Why would I put it there intentionally?

Anna Banana said...

It seems to me that untill you get used to them, they are uncomfortable, the key is to wear them for an extended period of time to break them in...

For example, I wore my first thongs during a weekend long Dungeons and Dragons campaign about 5 years ago. I was the only woman present and took a certain secret pleasure out of knowing I was wearing sexy underwear while sitting around in the basement rolling dice and killing monsters with a bunch of sweaty, dorky nerd-men.
The first day of thong wearing was sort of itchy, but I soon came to swear by them. And I find I prefer the ones with the superflous triangle of fabric. Just a personal preference.

tshsmom said...

My point exactly, Laura!

Sassy said...

personally, I like the G-string...less fabric, more comfy and yes, quite sexy. The triangle? well, I think is only there to peak out of the top of the low rise jeans of course! So onlookers can be tittilated and inspired by its mere appearance.

Shawn said...

I suspected as much... It works, but it makes it hard to concentrate. Fortunately, I seldom have need of concentration.

Laura said...

My friend Donna saw a car that had a thong-like design painted on the back of it and was so mezmerized by it she almost followed it... So I guess it's just an attention grabber...

Laura said...

whoops, I screwed up the link