Friday, December 09, 2005

Holy Crap...

I was reading a post on Slade's blog referring to some religious whack jobs being bent about Bush's Xmas cards not saying Christmas on them. Whew doggie...what a bunch of nuts.

That's what I thought at first. Now, I'm beginning to think they might be on to something (instead of just being on something). Perhaps when I reveal the strange connections I discovered, you'll agree that the devil is behind this secularization of Christmas.

It became clear to me in a sudden revelation that Santa Claus is actually Beelzebub himself. There are far too many 'coincidences' for it to be otherwise.

Look at their names... SANTA = SATAN. Hmmm...hard to deny that one huh?

They both wear red suits.

They both have strangely deformed henchmen.

Coal and brimstone are mighty similar.

Satan doesn't love cute, fuzzy animals. Santa has a fur-lined coat and hat. It's probably baby seals...

Both try to woo us with shiney things and fancy gifts.

This Santa guy also doesn't seem to mind giving presents to godless heathens either. He gives presents to everybody. What kind of crap is that?

Baby Jesus enters our hearts through the front door. Santa sneaks in through the chimney.

And, let's not forget, Santa didn't join the coalition forces in Iraq. Surely, a few flying reindeer could have been spared for recon missions? Okay, maybe that doesn't make him the devil, but it proves he's probably French...

Hey, maybe I'm wrong...it could just be the punch I drank at my Southren Baptist Evangelical Church of the Holier Than Thou Spirit. That stuff did seem a might strong.

9 comments:

melissa_in_jax said...

Hhahahaha! I thoroughly enjoyed that!

K said...

Very troubling connections indeed...

Though I suppose this would explain why, for the last several years there has been a burning pentagram in the snow on my rooftop Xmas morning... I always just thought it was those wacky little elves.

I will think twice before I let my son sit on Satan's lap this year...

Shelly said...

That's funny! Maybe that is why my parents never let me believe in Santa. (or it could be the fact we opened our presents on Christmas Eve. Kind of ruins the whole Santa idea). Anyway...you might just be on to something. you showed try to sell the idea to different churches, they eat that stuff up. (trust me i grew up in one!!) Well i am definitely taking down all my santa ornaments and decorations now! he can just go....well you know where!!:) j/k

tshsmom said...

You FOOL! You DRANK something at a Southern Baptist event? You're doomed!
Your next post will most likely be on the EVILS of Harry Potter. :(

Slade said...

HA! This is one of your best posts yet! I love your analysis.

Is Rudolph Santa's deformed Henchman?

Shawn said...

M.I.J. - Tee hee...thanks for stopping by.

Me - Kids sitting on a grown man's lap? Sounds like Neverland... I would think twice about it, indeed.

Shelly - Right...I can make it my 'Purpose Filled' fight against Satan Claus. I'll be rich...er...I mean, I'll save thousands of souls.

By the way, did you get to have your room in the steeple? I would want my room in the steeple.

Tshsmom - I didn't mean to. But there was all the singin' and prayin' and healin' and then that one fella brought out the snake...

Slade - I owe it all to you...you were the catalyst of my salvation! I was thinking of the scary little elves, but them flying reindeer sure aint natural...

Randy said...

Have you seen this video about Santa Claus being Satan?

http://www.blowthetrumpet.org/TheGreatDeceptionVideo.htm

The Zombieslayer said...

Nah, Santa always gets hot babes. Satan has a thing for Saddam Hussein.

ggirl said...

Do you think Santa actually clubbed the seals for his outfit? Peta is going to have a fit! At least they will all still get prestents though, right? Probably ermine traps all around. Cheers.

x0x0