Thursday, April 13, 2006

Stick this...

Picture the scene... It's an ungodly 8 a.m., and we're on a fine Midwestern freeway heading into Milwaukee. For those of you who are irritating morning people, pretend it's the middle of the night.

A coffee was slammed on the way out the door, but there's no hope that it will hit your brain cells before you get to the seminar you have no interest in...yeah, that's where you're headed. Great, huh?

That was my morning.

Pretty much how you're imagining it, but with a bit of difference.

See, I'm guessing that you didn't imagine seeing a bumper sticker that got you annoyed. Yeah the one that said, "Stop inbreeding, ban country music." Normally, that would get a chuckle even though it's a bit old.

Not today.

Today it just bothered me that people were jamming their five or six word beliefs in my face. Mind you, I'm not even a big country music fan, but I do like some of it. And I didn't really even take offense at the statement. It was more of a, 'you wouldn't put that on a t-shirt and wear it to work, so why do you think it's fine here?' kind of thing.

It took a while to pass the guy - who looked plenty inbred I might add - as I wasn't driving. So, by the time we did pass him, I had come up with a little visual koan for him.

I flipped him off.

For some reason, he didn't grasp the opportunity to learn and sort of tossed my lesson back to me. Not with a manful, firm flip off either - it was a bit of a pussy flip off to tell the truth.

I was undeterred though. There were two more opportunities ahead and I took advantage of them to spread some more Zen-like wisdom.

One had a somewhat faded "Abortion Kills" bumper sticker that I took as a visual fuck you, to which I held up the mirror of a flip off. As is the nature of Zen teaching, the lesson shocked the woman driving a bit. Unfortunately, she didn't experience instant enlightenment. Oh well, I did what I could to help her leave Samsara behind. It's not my fault if she didn't grasp the lesson and nurture it in her heart.

The next one had a simple "Bush/Cheney" bumper sticker. No need to explain how I took that - definitely a request for enlightened freeway discourse.

What can I say? I tried to point out how irritating it is to see that sort of aggravating statement on someone's car - how that sticker said, "Yeah, I voted for the asshat and he won...your guy lost, so kiss my Republican ass," just as clearly as muttering it in my ear in the checkout lane at Piggly Wiggly.

Well, of course he missed the whole point. What could I expect? He did vote for an asshat and he's proud of it...

Anyway, despite my finest efforts, no one gained enlightenment this morning - it's not easy teaching on the freeway. You can't say I didn't give it my best shot.


The Zombieslayer said...

Heh. You're too funny, Shawn.

bumper stickers aside, my alarm clock is set to 8:30 am. I can't imagine waking up before 8:30. never had a class in college before 10 if I could help it.

Mornings only serve three purposes - snooring loudly, drooling on your favorite pillow, and dreaming of a topless Tyra Banks sitting in the hot tub with you. That's it.

They should not be used for work or school. Yeah yeah, I'll probably make a bad farmer, but that's what greenhouses are for.

K said...

Should've tried the super finger (or "su-fi" to those in-the-know). It's rumoured to have instant results....

If you haven't heard of it, google away. It's the gesture of the future.

(wow. sometimes I'm in awe of my own geekiness)

Shawn said...

Bits - Wow...the shit I learn. Blogging, it's not just a job it's an education. I am impressed and dub you Ubergeek of the Week.

I've been thinking about it though. I'm kind of old school and just relish flipping a well-formed bird. Maybe I should leave this newfangled su-fi to the kids. I don't want to hurt myself.

ZS - Alive and well, eh? I've been missing your visits and entries. Hope all is cool.

I'm pretty much in the 'mornings suck' camp too.

Early to bed, early to rise gets your ass eaten by zombies out for a midnight snack. Early morning people won't be much help come the plaque...that's for sure.

Laura said...

We were just having this conversation here. Funny.

Generally, any thought that can be shared in bumper sticker format is probably not well thought out.

Sorry that they ruined your morning. SOunds like you had a little entertainment though.

Wendy said...

Ahh, it was just another day for Freeway Finger Aerobics. Is that what you're telling us?

tshsmom said...

HEY, I have that country music bumper sticker!! I got it to annoy my husband. ;)

ZS and Shawn, I can see who's gonna be saving YOUR asses in the zombie compound at 6 a.m.

Miranda said...

It's funny how bumperstickers strike people. They're little things but they really do seem to reach people emotionally.

My fiance once let a lady who'd been waiting for an opportunity to get back on the road from a parking lot exit pull in in front of him. I think we both expected her to be a liberal, but my fiance's a nice guy, so he did the nice thing. As she pulled in front of us, her bumpersticker came into view. It was a Bush/Cheney sticker. My fiance's face lit up. "YES!" he said, his fist raised in triumph. And he's not even a Republican. He's an independant conservative ;).

At any rate, I'm sorry they were there to bother you and I hope you're feeling happier today.