Friday, April 15, 2005

Vatican Idol

The Catholic Church is really missing out on a great opportunity here... Seriously, millions of people around the world are sitting on edge of their seats -- or hard, wooden pews -- wondering who the next Pope will be.

So why decide in private?

They should make it a televised contest. Start at the beginning with tryouts and all the funny slipups that would entail...

"Yeah... of course controlling rampant overpopulation with birth control is a good idea..." Dooh... another one bites the dust.

"Hail Margaret, full of grace..." Oops. Blooper reel.

The competition would be fierce, but think of the fun...

Simon-Peter Cowell could be the Catholic bad boy on the panel.

"That was probably the worst Hail Mary I've ever heard... That was atrocious... Ouch! Why did you hit me Saula?! It was terrible..."

"Well, I like that you really took what we said last week about your Papal Blessing to heart," a smiling Saula would say to the eager contestant. "I think you really nailed it this week."

The buzz around the holy-water coolers would be huge...

"Like I totally thought the one guy from Botswana was so cute... they should have totally kept him."

"Yeah, but he didn't look very good in red and did you see when he almost dropped that one wafer? Besides, the guy from Italy is totally gonna win."

"So what about the red... when he's Vatican Idol, he wouldn't be wearing red anyway. You know he would look hot in white..."

Why wouldn't this work? They've got a built-in, global fan base. They've got a worldwide broadcast company.

4 comments:

The Girl in the Black Tee Shirt said...

Excellent idea!
You need to think of who could serve as the guest celebrity judges...

Shawn said...

Hmmm... I hadn't given that any thought...

Obviously they would want to get one of the Apostles. After that, they could get any number of Saints, 'cause let's face it, Saints mean big ratings...

If they could bring on the V. Mary, that would be huge. I would just pee myself with excitement... I would Tivo that for sure. (The V. Mary on Vatican Idol... not me peeing myself...)

Knowing them though, they would probably get some crusty Old Testament prophets. And who wants to sit through an hour of Vatican Idol hopefuls performing their favorite prophecies?

The Girl in the Black Tee Shirt said...

Nobody, that's who!

Sounds like Vatican Idol could use some B-list Bible characters...successful enough to be recognized and bring ratings, but unsuccessful enough to have an empty schedule and a cheap booking price.

Shawn said...

Yeah... like Goliath. His career's been in the tank since they killed him off in an early episode...