Monday, November 28, 2005

Je deteste...

I went out on Friday morning, rolling into the shopping melee that pretty much passes for a cultural event in America these days. This was not because I'm a masochist, or an Uber-shopper, but because I needed to try and find a computer part and I was going to my parent's in the afternoon. So, morning trip it was.

I didn't find the part, so I wandered over to Kohl's (a midwest store that used to be all about groceries, but is now all about clothes and other department store stuff...an odd transformation if ever there was one...) to see if I could grap a new pair of Levis. I actually need the Levis, it wasn't entirely because I didn't want to do laundry.

I got into the store, put my head down and blasted over to the men's department. Grabbing the jeans, I turned and for the first time saw the utter ridiculosity (I was a sports writer...I'm allowed to make up words...) of the situation.

The line snaked to the back of the store. Fatties as far as the eye could see...clutching their doorbuster deals tight to their corpulent selves. Not an ounce of joy slipped from any of those porky lips. (At this point, I should tell you that I'm really not playing up the extra pounds for a laugh. The majority of the people in line - mainly surly looking women, I might add - were obese.)

The jeans were left somewhere between the men's department and the door. I fled...

I would further describe the horror, but this guy does a much better job of it. I refer you to him.

6 comments:

tshsmom said...

Be thankful that you weren't there when the stores opened! People were getting knocked over and stomped on.
No sale is worth that shit!

Jerry said...

I had to go buy some printer cartridges at the local Wal-Mart this weekend. Luckily, I paid for them in the Electronics Department and didn't have to check out in the front with the herd.

Funny post!

Laura said...

It only makes sense that the people who would be obese would also be the ones to most buy-into the rampant consumerism... after all - food is consumption - the bigger the better right?

It's sad that Friday shopping has become a cultural event. What is that? It really makes me sad and sick.

Kohl's used to be groceries? never knew that.

Laura said...

and not to mention treating shopping like it's a chore - as you said "surly looking women"... I thought buying presents for people was supposed to be enjoyable. When all the joy is sucked from this "tradition" it truly just becomes gluttony. The sad thing is that they don't see themselves as tools.

Shawn said...

Jerry - Way to skirt the crowd and foil the system...well, done...

Laura - We're becoming a country of overindulgent slobs... We're spoiled and we wonder why anyone would ever want to be different...

tshsmom said...

I'm different! ;)