My parents expected a lot from me. Not in a harsh way, but in a way that was always hanging in the air. They sacrificed a lot to make my life better. And I let them down.I don't know exactly what they wanted for me, but I know it's not what I've accomplished so far.

I had a girlfriend in high school, Becky, and I know she thought I could achieve some great things. I let her down.

Later, I had a girlfriend, Coleen, who believed in me. She was ready to share her life with me. I let her down. She moved on and made a life for herself. I saw her a while back and I was embarrassed because I could feel her disappointment. It wasn't expressed, but it hung thick in the air. That still haunts me.

I went a long time, never getting close enough to let someone else down. I didn't really know that's what I was doing, but it was. For a long time I didn't let anyone close enough to be let down. Even when I lived with a woman for nearly three years, that wall was there. I lowered my expectations to create a safe little world for myself.

It was a long time before I met someone who challenged me. Someone who expected more of me than I did. I loved her more than words could express. I still do, and I think she knows it in her soul. In some strange way, I know she really doesn't want to hear from me until I've lived up to my potential. Rebecca, I know you're out there and I love you for believing in me. And, remarkably, I know you still believe in me.

I had a boss at the same time who expected more from me too.

Kevin and I worked together in his frame shop for five years. One day, he fired me. It wasn't because I wasn't doing the job, but rather because he knew I was hiding in that job. He told me to take some time off, collect unemployment and figure out what I needed to do. He gave me a gift of love, and eight years later, I still haven't repayed it.

One night, sitting outside the paper I worked at, my friend Josh told me I was wasting my time doing what I was doing. He probably doesn't even remember it, but he was right. It's been several years since then.

Tonight I was told to get the fuck out by my friend Gregg. I've never cried at a bar, but I did tonight. But he was right. This isn't my town. This isn't my life. I need to move on and stop hiding here. I started to promise to do something big, something great, and he stopped me.

'I don't care about that shit,' he said. 'Just stop. Just fucking stop. Stop fucking doing what you're doing and be something. It fucking breaks my heart that you're cleaning carpets, working for your brother. I belong here, I know my place here. You don't belong here. I should be living my life vicariously through you. Just stop. Don't let me down, just don't let me down.'

I don't know. He's right. All my friends throughout my life have been right. I need to think a bit. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow, or the next day, or never...but I want to share a small piece of friendship with you all before I take some time out.

Thank you all for just being yourselves. We all have a special spark in us and we should cherish it. No one is here for long, a few years, a few decades, whatever...when we go there will only be some memories, and then those will be gone too.

Have you done everything you could today? Probably not. Neither have I. What are we waiting for? Just do it. Hug your kid. Call your Mom. Call a friend. Mend a fence.

Embarrassed? Who gives a shit...just do it. Just do what something you know you want to do, but you're scared of.

Do it.

You'll probably look the fool, but who really cares? Just fucking do it...